I am writing to request a new CPN/Care Coordinator. Since the recent reorganisation of services I have been seen by [redacted], but it is not working for a variety of reasons.
The first time I met [redacted] she said to me “I have lots of experience dealing with your sort of issues.” But this was while also claiming “I don’t know anything about you”, without having read my notes or even knowing my diagnosis, and without asking me what those issues might be. It’s clear that she has a model of mental illness and distress and was intent on making me fit within it. She also said, at an early meeting, “I don’t know anything about you, but I expect you’ve experienced trauma”. Again, this was trying to fit me into a model without actually finding out anything about me, and, quite frankly, I feel this level of simplification, prejudice and assumption, is dangerous.
In subsequent appointments she has tried to push me into doing ‘Recovery focused work’, offering various things we could do e.g. the Recovery Star. What she fails to appreciate (because she has not taken the time to find out) is that I have been in secondary services for over ten years, and struggling by myself for many more years before that, so I have investigated and explored many different ways to approach my difficulties. Some things I do find helpful – I utilise the practice of mindfulness and other approaches I have discovered through my extensive independent reading about Buddhism, regularly, and find them helpful. Others are just too simplified, and too infused with the damaging principles of neo-liberalism, for me to take them seriously.
I tried to raise these concerns with [redacted], in the hope that we could begin to develop a genuine relationship, but she immediately said that I could be discharged from services entirely, get my medication from my GP, and just call Duty if I needed help. I experienced this as a threat – comply with my way of doing things, or have all your support removed.
I know it is possible for me to have good, supportive relationships with health professionals, because I have had several in the past that have been instrumental in improving my life to the extent that it has been, but I do not think I can form such a relationship with [redacted]. I have currently been out of hospital for nearly a year, which is the best I have done since 2013, and I am anxious to maintain this and to avoid another admission. Having a good relationship with a CPN/care coordinator is an important part of this. I want someone who is willing to get to know me, to understand (or at least be willing to learn about) some of the ways my diagnosis (Dissociative Identity Disorder) affects me and my life, and offer the kind of compassionate support I have experienced in the past, so I can make progress and hopefully eventually move beyond needing professional support and be able to manage my life myself.