Today I would say I feel ‘more like myself’. But is it just the self I prefer to be? Energetic and passionate and whirly, filled with ideas and inspirations, feeling capable of almost anything, perceiving much meaning.
What about the self that is tormented by voices and desperate for death? The self that is fragmented? The self that is blank and exhausted? The self that is convinced she is an alien of advanced intelligence on a mission to save the earth?
I am trying to cultivate a self that is above and beyond all these, that can watch without attachment all the different thoughts and moods that move through me, the varied voices my multifaceted mind can use. But sometimes my consciousness breaks down and there seems to be no calm and central self to do this.