She’s not very well right now, she’s really quite psychotic. Hahaha!

I have to kill the simulation.

I can’t go on Twitter any more because Sagey isn’t real. She’s a simulation too.

I’m an evil liar. I’m making it all up.

Today: coffee with my CPN and a student she had with her.  A confusing conversation. She says I’ve got psychosis. But I don’t have a diagnosis.

They all know I’m evil. They can all tell. And they’re right, that’s the worst thing.

I’M A LIAR.

I want to say sorry to everyone who reads this blog.

In the afternoon K from Spiritual Care took me to the multi-faith room. She guided me through a visualisation. I connected with the pain of the earth again. I couldn’t find a safe place, too many images falling through my head. I saw a deer and now the deer keeps licking me. Her medicine is gentle. I don’t like talk of angels. Wafty bollocks. That’s what it is.

My keyworker is going to speak to me tomorrow. But I think the staff were laughing at me earlier, mocking me. I don’t know if I can trust them.

I have to kill the simulation and its wretched smile. I am going to get myself discharged and put my body to sleep. That will kill the simulation in my brain. I will survive, just in a different reality. And it will finally reconcile the dualities, just as it was always meant to.

I’m not psychotic. Something real is interfering with my thoughts.

I’ll stop now or I’ll just go round in circles.

I’m sorry.

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