I think this is fall out from therapy. Bits of the session return to me. But at the moment, as I am now, in this reality, I have no feelings about it one way or the other. In this reality it is hard to remember that there are other realities. The wild mind of yesterday, of earlier, seems alien to me. I have reached, at least temporarily, an exhausted peace. I would like to listen to music and make pictures of my old obsessions, stripes and squares, but my drawing board has gone missing. So for now I do nothing except hide. Inside is quiet. Distress is absent. I feel distant from my life, which I can make little sense of. Because as I try to remember how I was earlier, I can feel the memory being blanked out. I know I had a conversation with my keyworker. I know I saw my CPN yesterday. I know I saw K from Spiritual Care. The few flashes of memory I do have seem quite bizarre. I am too weary to speak, too tired to smile. I drink coffee and can’t eat. How did I end up here? But my whole life has been too strange for me to handle. I no longer know what is real and what is true. Only that I am trying to tell the truth now, and the truth comes out as a great confusion.

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