I think I must be a very gratifying psych patient – I’m very obviously unwell, then I get very obviously better. All the staff keep commenting on how different I look in myself, and an ex-patient who came back for a visit today said even the colour of my eyes had come out.
So I went into review. I made eye contact. I was rational, cheerful and demonstrated good insight. I told her I was no longer suicidal and not hearing voices. She asked what had happened and I said I didn’t really know. We discussed the need to pace myself, the way I tend to try to do too much all at once to make up for lost time, and how even though I felt much better I still had to give myself a chance to fully recover. We talked about the difference between elation and the way I’m feeling at the moment – I told her that the work I’d done with K had helped me slow myself down when my mind starts to get scattered and she said that a meditation practice might prove to be as important for me as taking my medication. She said that she understood I now wanted to look forwards but at some point it would be helpful to go back and challenge some of the negative thoughts I had had, that it was about finding a way not to punish myself and it might be good to do some work around self-compassion. She said that if I could do those things I might find that although I had relapses I could gradually manage them better.
I didn’t quite get what I wanted, which was to be discharged today. But I have day leave (until 8pm) today and tomorrow. If that goes well I’ll get full leave on Wednesday, if *that* goes well I’ll be discharged next Monday. So only two more nights in hospital. I am one happy wildhorse!