So I got the screening instruments for dissociative experiences, and I don’t think I need to fill them in, because I don’t think I have DID.
I don’t find myself in places with no idea of how I got there, I don’t find new things amongst my belongings that I don’t remember buying (though I do find my belongings have gone missing with no memory of how or why I disposed of them). I’m never approached by people I don’t know who call me by a different name and claim to know me, I’m never told that sometimes I do not recognise friends or family.
To those questions I can answer a definite no. Others are more tricky. My memory of past events comes and goes. I guess I could circle 50%? Being precise is so difficult, I’m not good with percentages!
Then there are other questions that I can admit yeah, ok, that’s me. Not recognising myself in a mirror (photographs can freak me out too). Feeling that the body does not belong to me. Finding familiar places strange. Spending time staring off into space, thinking of nothing. Acting so differently in one situation compared with another I feel as though I’m a different person. Finding writing that I must have done but don’t remember. Hearing voices that tell me to do things or comment on things I am doing. Oh yes! Oh yes, yes, yes!
So maybe there’s something there (or are all these things completely normal – please tell me if they are because I don’t know). Maybe DDNOS?
The reason I’m struggling with this is that *someone* is aware most of the time (not me), just not in control. And to my mind for it to be DID there has to be amnesia and a loss of awareness.
All *I* know is that it’s a hell of a confusing thing.