So, seems that while I was firmly digging my heels into denial (I DON’T HAVE DID. I CAN STAY MENTALLY WELL AND ETERNALLY POSITIVE THROUGH SHEER WILLPOWER FOR EVER AND EVER.) those inside had other ideas and were plotting rebellion.
Anna turned up to therapy today. I didn’t plan it, I had no control of it, I definitely wasn’t acting, and I was at most vaguely aware of what was happening – I am struggling to remember it now. Sounds unbelievable doesn’t it? But it happened. And my psychologist noticed.
Then I managed to ‘come back’ and we had a conversation about it. She asked a lot of questions, most of which I couldn’t answer. She asked if I already knew that we were dealing with more than hearing voices. I said that sometimes I knew and sometimes I didn’t. She said she had wondered but wasn’t sure. She wants to know what I want her to say and do if/when it happens again.
So, it’s out in the open. The whole does she/doesn’t she get it game is over. I guess that is a positive thing, but it is also a scary thing, because now I have to start getting it too. Denial is no longer an option.
I don’t know what happens now, I don’t know how we go forwards from here, and I don’t know now what to do about Dr B, because he brings out another self entirely and that self is reluctant to give those sessions up.