So I have just got back from my fourth therapy session this week. For someone who was once resistant to even the idea of therapy I’m sure piling it on lately.

And well. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to think. *Lots* of different reactions to it, from “I hate this” to “this is what I need”, from blank faced staring into space to spontaneous laughter.

He’s a Gestalt psychotherapist, so it’s all about the way you are with each other, two people in a space, being aware of each other and the way you are interacting, noticing what’s going on. Noticing. Yes, part of me felt noticed, and was rather jubilant on the way home. Yet I also felt uncomfortable. Challenged. Exposed. It made me realise how easy seeing Dr B is, and how maybe that isn’t such a good thing.

He’s booked in an appointment for next week and the week after, but he said I can decide whether to use one of them, or both, or none. I’m to have a think about it and email him. He stressed that it was up to me, he even wrote the word CHOICE on the appointment card and underlined it.

So now I need to write a letter to my psychologist, and I need to do some serious processing, and then I need to make a decision about which direction I’m going to go in.