A gentle, easy session that has left me feeling calm. It feels weird but good to finally be talking openly about having different parts. And some of the things she said reassured me that she’s not planning to end therapy any time soon – she said she felt that we were just at the beginning of a journey, and that while she talked about a situation where we could all work cooperatively she realised it must feel a long way off. I said I could imagine it with some of my selves, but with others it was more tricky.
She used the word “journey” several times (and apologised for sounding like a fluffy self help book) but said she really felt I was on a journey and she felt privileged to be part of it.
We talked a little about how people have noticed the differences in me in the past, but I wasn’t ready to take it on board, and how it was only when I started seeing her and my mind and life seemed to fall apart that I began to wonder if they were right. I told her about art happening, and not being able to watch the Olympics and somebody going to the shop for me. I told her that sometimes I felt it was all crazy and couldn’t possibly be real. She told me that lots of people had different selves and were on similar journeys (I told you she said it a lot!).
For next time she wants me to think about what happens when I switch – how does it feel? do I get any warning? And she wants me to think about what I want to talk about. She says she feels she’s being too directive, that it’s like we’ve just opened up a new world and there are different paths we could take, and she wants me to be the one to choose.
Next appointment on the 23rd.