Though actually I think I’m kidding myself if I believe there ever was anything else. It’s just that I used to have this comforting illusion that there was some kind of “wellness” to get back to if only I could do x, y, and z, and now I’m having to accept that disorientation is the order of the day. Things are *strange* in wildhorse world – and shifting.

Highlight of the weekend was doing some cleaning, and the internal excitement it generated. I was then woken up at half past three in the morning by an urgent desire to hoover. It’s a shame I had to suppress it for the sake of the neighbours, because it hasn’t yet returned and the place could do with it (I’m lazy). But instead I eventually went back to sleep and was treated to an astonishingly awful dream. More and more bad dreams lately, which is a bit of a new thing for me.

Met my new PA person today, except this agency calls them your ‘PAL’ (ick!). I went all quiet and shy, which was a bit embarassing, but afterwards someone was wanting to chat to her, so I have an idea it will be okay. I’m just going to have to warn her that I will probably confuse her with how different I can be.

Saw my CPN as well. I’d planned to have a conversation with her about what’s been going on in therapy, but I just wasn’t in a place where I could do that, so it’ll have to be for another day. I kept losing my thoughts and struggling for words. Did some staring into space. Doing it now too. Seem to have been trying to write this blog post for hours, keep being surprised by the time. So I’ll stop *stops*

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