Hmm, raw fresh pasta is still a little . . . crunchy.

*new culinary heights are reached in the Sage household*.

It takes three minutes to cook. THREE MINUTES. And you ate it raw.

Was surprisingly satisfying to throw up, though. Which was kind of the point.

And no, sex isn’t triggering AT ALL. It didn’t hurt and you didn’t hate it.

*idly googles lethal dose of alcohol and lorazepam*

(GIVE ME SOME ATTENTION PEOPLE!)

It’s no good, though, I’ve been trying to force some alcohol down all afternoon, in the vague hope that it would help, and I just can’t seem to do it. Must be something really wrong with me.

*thinks about doing something else instead*

*remains apparently paralysed on the sofa*

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