Well, I comprehensively failed at that (having an intelligent, useful conversation with the consultant). I’ve been half dead today and the half that has been alive has been engaging in denial again (I’m pretty sure I don’t have DID, I’m just erratic in mood and mental state).

“How are you?” she asked. I told her that wasn’t an easy question to answer. I explained to her that everything was fluctuating, that I didn’t know how I would be from one hour to the next, let alone one day.

She said maybe I’m someone who needs two mood stabilisers. She wants me to consider lithium. Then she mentioned clozapine. Clozapine FFS! She’s going to speak to my community consultant.

She didn’t ask me about yesterday’s exploits, thankfully, and I’ve still got my one hour twice a day – plus accompanied leave up to 3 hours with friends.

So I don’t know. I know I should have raised the issue of diagnosis with her, but I was not in the right place to talk about it easily, and she gave me no opening to do so. Besides, I really don’t think I do have DID.

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