I can’t find a place to write about the day from, I can’t find a way to own these events, though I know I must.

There was the going home (“you’re fucking up again. STOP IT!”) The electricity meter had run out even of emergency credit and going to the shop wasn’t happening so it was cold and there was no tea or coffee. There was just paralysis. And more paralysis.

Hang yourself. GO BACK TO THE WARD. Hang yourself. GO BACK TO THE WARD. Hang yourself.

In the end I made it back to the ward. And then the shame.