So. I wrote about review. Since then there has been a weekend. Now it is Tuesday. I have just been to the canteen with my occupational therapist. Switchy, switchy, switchy is all I can really say!
This afternoon I am going home for four hours. I have unescorted leave today and tomorrow. If that goes well (and it will) I will have day leave Thursday and Friday, then weekend leave, then discharge on Monday.
I wrote a letter to the consultant, you see. I woke up knowing it was what I needed to do to get out of here. The words flowed. I knew exactly what to write, and I knew it was going to work – and I was right! That feels pretty cool!
So. That was earlier. I have been home for my four hours during which I did some quite glorious and thoroughly enjoyable sitting on the sofa and staring into space. And I thought some thoughts.
Mostly I thought about the switchy, switchy, switchy this morning. It was pretty florid. I think. Was it? I don’t really know. I keep reaching for the memory, but the memory floats through my fingers like a dream that will not quite coalesce. And I wonder if my obsession with remembering is something I need to let go of, along with my struggle to be in control. Maybe it’s okay to forget? Maybe that’s part of trusting?