It was the big appointment today. The one where we were supposed to talk about diagnosis.

I had fantasies about being present and articulate, engaging in an intelligent and reasoned discussion. Was not to be. Shut-down-and-shake took over. The eyes stared fixedly into space and the body simply shook.

I’m so pissed off with myself.


I wrote that about three four five hours ago. I have had no other words. Where have all my words gone?