I haven’t blogged for ages, but there have been various posts floating round my head, waiting for a time when I have the mental energy to actually write them.
One is about the whole big diagnosis debate. I have things to say about that, though whether I actually will say them is another matter.
One is about my personal internet history. I guess I’ve been thinking about the days of email lists and bulletin boards, and how they just inevitably died a death. And Twitter is not what it once was. And maybe the blog, which was once so important to me, is in its death throes right now. And maybe that’s okay. Things change, the world moves on.
But I can’t quite let it go. I still hover around Twitter, sometimes participating, sometimes not. I have friends there, friends I don’t want to lose, not being a person in general who had many friends.
So I don’t know. I don’t know what the future holds. I don’t know what the right thing is to do. Knowing only that I care deeply about some of the people I have met on Twitter and through the blog, and not wanting to lose that. Because it’s not as though my life is bursting full with people wanting to know me.
I had therapy today. I now have therapy twice a week, at 8.30am on Monday mornings, and at 2.45pm on Thursday afternoons. And I don’t know how or if I’m going to be able to afford this, but I wanted to try it, and it seems like a good thing, so I guess I’m going to have to figure out a way to afford it.
Today we talked some about my previous experiences with the psychologist I had. And my therapist said that we all are welcome (which is not what I felt with the psychologist), and she also said that this kind of therapy was long term, possibly years. And a little suspicious part of me presented an argument that she just wanted to keep her income stream going, but most of me knew that yeah, the kind of therapy I need is long term, and yeah it might take years.
That’s kind of hard to take on board. But I think it’s a reality I need to accept.
And maybe, having written this, I will be able to write something else, sometime soon. Or maybe I won’t. I guess we’ll see, and you should watch this space.